- during the entire service you hold your hymnal open but never look down at it.

- during communion you hum the hymns so you can see who's at church that Sunday.

- rather than introducing yourself to a visitor at church, you check their name out in the guestbook.

- you have your wedding reception in the fellowship hall and feel guilty about not staying to help clean up.

- a midlife crisis means switching from the old hymnbook to the new one.

- you forget to put water in the baptismal font but never forget to put water in the coffee pot.

- the pastor skips the last hymn to make sure church lasts exactly 60 minutes.

- in response to someone jumping up and shouting "Praise the Lord!", you politely remind him or her that we don't do that around here.

- you think a meeting isn't legitimate unless it's at least three hours long.

- it takes 10 minutes to say good-bye.

- doughnuts are in the official church budget.

- they have to rope off the last pews in church so the front isn't empty.

- you're watching "Star Wars" in the theatre and when they say, "May the force be with you," the theatre replies, "and also with you."

- you tap a church visitor on the shoulder and say, "excuse me, but you're in my seat."

- you doodle on the back of communion cards.

- requests you hear are preceeded or followed by the phrase, "If it's not too much trouble then..."

- you dress up as your favorite reformer for Halloween.

- your mother could give any Jewish mother a run for the money in the guilt department.

- every time something changes, the old one was better.

- you hold your family reunion in the church basement.

- your biggest fund-raisers are bake sales instead of bingo.

- sharing the peace during the service takes more time than the sermon.

For more, visit Old Lutheran.